Strange Feeling

 There's a strange sort of feeling not many talk of

It's not really a hurting pain

And it's not really a feeling of relief

It's the kind that's hard to explain.


It's just a feeling of emptiness

That's been there for such a longtime

You never even noticed it until it was too late

And one of the least expected of things you'd find.


It's a just that's like a feather in your throat.

Not much to complain about, but enough to be there

And you never knew that it was growing

Or changing your heart into something that doesn't care.


When you finally know what it is

You find it hard to believ and wonder how it got here

Not realizing it was taking away precious moments

Of your time, Breaking apart the work of several years.


And when it comes to justifying the reasons,

You can't figure out what to say or who to blame.

Only that it's a lot of things, not something evident

Or something that you call by any name.

 

All you know to say is that you're sorry

And wish you knew how to change things

To make the pain go away or someway

To help you undeerstand what is happening.

 

But then, how can I help you understand

When I don't even know how the feeling got here.

It's been here building inside & now when I look back

I can see where I've been trying to tell myself about

it but wouldn't listen, just didn't want to hear.

 

And I'm sorry that it's happened this way.

And wish I could say something more

But I've just run out of words to say

Or ways of showing you that I haven't once before.

Susie - Dec. 1981

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